​Imagine that you are sitting in the center of a football stadium that is packed with people. You’re down on the field, at your desk, minding your own business, with the crowd of people at a dull roar, and it’s fine. 

Now imagine that the voice of one of the people in the crowd catches your attention. Your ear tunes into the conversation, and you’re distracted for a moment while you listen. You can hear them discussing what to have for lunch, and even though it has nothing to do with you, you think, “ew, I don’t like that.” 

Then you start thinking about all of the places you like to eat lunch and when you might go there and what you like to order. Before you know it, you’re texting a friend to make a date.

Turning back to your work, you hear another conversation in the back of the stadium. Someone is talking about something that someone else did. You listen, and then even though it has nothing to do with you, you think, “that’s messed up. I wouldn’t do it that way. I would be mad if that happened to me.” 

Then you hear another. And another. You get up and start offering advice to the people. You try to solve their problems. They begin to line up, and before you know it everyone in the stadium is crowding around you, asking what they should do and what you think about their situation, and you become absorbed in the melee.

By the end of the day you’re exhausted, but confused. You’ve been working really, really hard, but somehow none of your work got done. How could that be when you are so busy, and so tired?

Now let’s imagine a different scenario. You’re back at your desk in the football stadium, surrounded by the chattering crowd, but this time when a voice creeps into your awareness, you don’t listen. You notice it, say, “that happened,” and go back to your work without stopping to make an opinion about what you heard or investigate it further. You just notice that you heard it, acknowledge that it happened, and MYOB.

Now here is part of the story I did not reveal at the start. All of those chattering people in the stands? They are your thoughts. Hundreds of thousands of thoughts that come through your mind throughout the day, asking your opinion. But the reality is that only a fraction of them need any attention at all. In fact, you can allow the majority of them to pass by you without even a glance.

You can sit in the center of the stadium, with the hum of thoughts buzzing around you, knowing that they are chattering, and not stop to decide what you think. You may discover that by releasing yourself from the job of being the Decider of All Things actually frees up your mind and energy for the things that actually matter.

Give it a try this week! Sit in the stadium, wave to the crowd once in a while, and let them have conversations with each other without your input. When your important work is done, go mingle with them. You may find that they’ve solved all of their problems without you, and things are actually nice and quiet in there. 

Your thoughts want your attention, but they don’t need it. Give them a nod and MYOB!

​A recent conversation with a client was the most fun I’ve had at work in quite a while. She had set a goal of exercising three to four times a week, which had been a challenge because she had a busy job and was exhausted at the end of the day, when she had chosen to workout. But, she had lost 60 pounds with nutrition changes, and wanted to add in exercise so she could continue to lose weight and tone and strengthen her muscles.

I was a little nervous about her goal because I thought maybe she had bitten off more than she could chew. But, a couple of weeks later, she checked in with great success! I asked her what the trigger was that got her from the couch and up working out. Her answer was so simple and so awesome: I just love how I feel when I do.

She went on to tell me that even when she had a long day at work and was really tired, she exercised because she knew she would feel better right away.

I wanted to clarify this point and make sure I understood exactly what she was saying, so I asked her to confirm what I heard: the results from exercising were immediate, positive, and attainable. Yes, she said. They were.

I was floored. This was fantastic news! Just a few weeks prior, she had been frustrated that her progress had stalled, and she was at a crossroads for what to do. She was confused, because she was still working hard but her body wasn’t changing as much as it was before. She sighed and confessed, “I know, I want instant results. I need to give it time.”

But now she was positively giddy, telling me that exercising made her feel so good right away that she was looking forward to her workouts after a long day at work. It was not possible for her to have a bigger smile on her face.

We are at the half-way point of this crazy year, and a lot feels uncertain and scary. But, we have more control over how we feel than we think. We have access to tools that can help us feel better right away.

Chief among those is the immediate benefit of feeling great through exercise, which my client was enjoying every single day. When the world’s problems seem like more than we can handle, sometimes the best thing we can do is feel better, because feeling better is not overrated. In fact, feeling better makes it easier for us to be part of the solution! 

Worried about diabetes? Exercise reduces insulin levels in your blood and improves your insulin sensitivity. That means you and your brain are better able to partner up to notice when you are full and don’t need to keep eating. 

Feeling stuck on a project at work? Exercise helps with neurogenesis, which is the creation of new brain cells. A walk and some fresh air can lead to more clarity of thought, productivity, and energy to work.

Exercise is proven to boost our mood to the point where we can alleviate symptoms of clinical depression. Just thirty minutes a few times a week can make a difference. But don’t just stroll around. Work up a good sweat and get your heart and lungs pumping! Get your money’s worth!

Feeling a little low on self-confidence? Battling anxiety? Go and do a strength-training workout or join an exercise class. Exercise can boost self-esteem and improve body image, making you feel like a million bucks. And when you feel good, you look good. More instant benefits! Could this get any better? You betcha.

Not only does exercise immediately make you feel amazing, raise your intellect, and make it easier to eat healthy, it burns calories, which leads to weight loss. Yes! You can even lose weight, on top of feeling great whenever you want to. Oh, and exercise also lowers your blood pressure, enhances sleep quality, reduces cholesterol…should I go on?

My client and I were laughing and cheering over the phone as we marveled in her discovery. Happiness, relaxation, lower stress…it was all attainable within minutes and completely in her control. In fact, the two things that were guaranteed to bring her a lifetime of happiness were two things she had complete control over: what she ate and whether or not she exercised. Instant gratification was sitting right next to her this whole time.

It’s sitting next to you, too. You can join her and feel amazing today. Right now! I hope you will, and that your smile will not be able to get bigger. You deserve to feel great. What are you waiting for?

P.S. If you're looking for daily motivation, I go LIVE in my private, members-only Facebook group every morning at 8:30am to help YOU get each day started on the right foot. Join us in The Good Life!

My 8 year old has been pretty bossy lately.

He’s been making a lot of rules for how we should interact with him. He wants me to be quieter in the mornings, and not open the curtains in his bedroom without his permission. He’s dictated what kind of ice cream should be on the grocery list (mint chocolate chip) and let us know that he is out of yogurt. But only the very specific brand of strawberry that he likes. Don’t get that other kind. It is NOT good.

My husband and I roll our eyes and smile when he issues his orders like a prince. In a world where pretty much everything changed for him overnight, I figure he’s looking for anything he can control at this point. Aren’t we all?  And, I admire him. After all, others might say that he’s really just setting some boundaries for himself. 

Setting - and verbalizing - boundaries is a lesson we learn early in life, even if we have a clunky way of doing it. Have you ever heard a preschooler say, “get out of my bubble?” They’ve learned that they have the right to a certain amount of space around them, and they’ll speak up when it’s being invaded.

It’s pretty easy to name the kinds of boundaries we need to protect ourselves and our interests from potential threats: we will not allow others to abuse us, put us in danger, violate our privacy, or insult us for long before we stand up and defend ourselves (or at least vent to someone else about it). 

And, we have internal boundaries, too. Our bodies have a threshold of need for movement, sleep, nourishment, connection, and love, and the only person who can violate them is us.

We do that when we consistently over-obligate ourselves to others, speak negatively to ourselves, and put what others want ahead of what we need.

If you consistently find yourself wondering why you can’t seem to make the time for exercise, get enough sleep, or motivate yourself to follow through on pursuing greater health, it may be because you are not being N.I.C.E. to yourself.

Use each letter in the word “NICE” to remember the steps for respecting your own boundaries:
​
N = Notice. Notice when you are approaching an internal boundary that needs to be respected. You would not tell someone else that what they need is selfish and unimportant, so why is it okay to tell yourself that? Hearing negative self-talk is one way to notice that a boundary is in jeopardy.  Feeling anxious, guilty, or otherwise overwhelmed are other signs that there is a personal boundary that you are not respecting for yourself. 

I = Identify. It may seem silly at first, but verbalizing to yourself what you have noticed really helps clear the mental clutter. It can be so powerful to say something like, “I just accepted a piece of cake that I do not want to eat because it was offered to me. I am pushing my boundary of eating within my calorie needs because I feel obligated to eat food that is given to me.”  In doing so, you’ve noticed how you feel and why you feel that way, without judgement or evaluation of yourself as a person. Wow! You are so evolved! Go you!

C – Commit. Once you notice how you feel and identify why, it’s time to commit to respecting that boundary. “I am committed to making choices that will support my health and vitality.”  Sometimes that means saying no to people who made cake. Sometimes it means saying no to another part of yourself, like the part that wants to stay up late watching TV instead of getting enough sleep to be energized for a morning workout.  Committing to respecting your own boundaries doesn’t mean putting yourself first at the expense of others, it means taking care of yourself so you can take care of others.

E – Engage! Act! Do the thing! Put your metaphorical foot down, steel your resolve, take a deep breath, and say, “thanks, but I’m good.” Turn off the TV and get in bed so you can wake up energized for exercise.  Get off the couch and prepare a healthy lunch and snacks for the next day so you don’t end up in the drive-through. Do the thing. Nothing changes if you don’t engage with your own commitment. 
As empathetic, mature, and responsible people, it is completely expected and appropriate that we will put the needs of others ahead of our own at times. Selfless acts of kindness and compassion are part of what connects us as people and makes the world a better place. But when we take it to an extreme and allow our own emotional and physical health to deteriorate as a result, no one wins. 
​
My little prince will get his requested ice cream, and I’ll let him decide when his bedroom curtains are opened. I can’t guarantee a quiet morning, but I appreciate his desire for one! As we navigate this new world, take time to be nice to yourself this week. See if the world suffers. I expect it will actually be very, very nice.

Sometimes I just sit in front of my computer, staring at the screen, knowing I am supposed to be working, coming up with new ideas, creating amazing things, and sending people the documents they are waiting for. Then I look through the window at the trees in my yard. I work at a little table in the front window of my living room now. The trees are bright green. There is a slight breeze. Sun shines through the leaves and I wonder what the temperature is like.

And then I remember that there is a class zoom meeting. Where is the meeting ID number? Shoot.

Did I sign him up for the science group? When is that?

Ping. Text message. Did I do the thing? Not yet. I’ve been... busy? I feel busy, but not like I’m really accomplishing anything.

Ding. Email. Here’s another update about what we’re allowed or not allowed to do, but so-and-so says that is stupid and what’s-her-face says it’s a conspiracy. So, maybe we don’t have to do it? 

It’s all urgent, but it also feels artificial. It’s important, but kind of optional. 

Snap out of it! This is a great opportunity! And look how lucky you are. You should be thankful. Other people don’t have what you have. Stop complaining.

But is this complaining? Does feeling antsy mean that I am ungrateful? Is it complaining to feel like this abundance of something that we are all feeling is somehow not enough? Oh! Zoom class meeting starts in 10 minutes! Do you have the login? It’s the same as last time, right?

It’s been six weeks now that we have been in...whatever this is. It’s not a quarantine, because we can kind of go anywhere. People are dying by the dozens, but hey - you can get wine delivered to your door and look, those people are taking their boat somewhere. They look okay. Is this even a real thing? 

I get up and wander to my husband’s office. Our house is quiet. The kids are…doing schoolwork? Sure. We stare at each other as I lean against the door frame. He’s in a zoom call. We have it good. We have jobs, a house, food, and all the time in the world now. Opportunity! 

“Mom, I did my spelling. Now what?”

I turn around. “Let’s go for a walk outside.”

We walk, and he talks. I listen, but only halfway because another voice is talking just a little louder. “Do you get it yet? Zoom out, not in. Look at the big picture - there is good stuff here, and it is enough.”

Zoom! This is the real zoom: the zoom out. We were supposed to make it simpler and we made it more complicated. We were supposed to slow down and we sped up even more. We added meetings to our lives that we literally refer to as “zooms.” But we zoomed the wrong way.

My pace quickens as we turn the corner and I feel energy come back into my body. I smile down at the boy next to me, chattering as he wheels around on his scooter. The meeting ID numbers are lost and we don’t care. The passwords are forgotten and it doesn’t matter. We’re going to be okay. We’ll adapt and we’re going to see the world change before our eyes, if we remember to zoom out.

​It’s April 2020, and things aren’t going the way we expected. Remember January, when we were super excited about the new year and everything it held for us? We didn’t know.

Now as we sit quarantined in our homes - you’re not going anywhere, are you? - I feel a little guilty because I am not completely hating this. That’s a complicated way to feel because people are suffering, people are working really hard to keep us alive, and all I have to do is sit here at home, and I don’t hate it.

My family goes for two walks a day right now, once in the morning and then in the evening. As we left our driveway last week I noticed myself feeling wistful for the time we have together right now, and knew that I would miss it when things go back to “normal.” 

I thought about the amount of time I used to spend in my car, driving Mom’s Taxi back and forth, back and forth, not accomplishing anything other than getting people to places, and getting them there late even for all of my hustle, and feeling lame for being late all the time.

I thought about how I used to feel overwhelmed by the number of things we had to do, and obligations we had or expectations we had to be places and do things. That’s gone now. No one expects us to be anywhere, we don’t have to come up with reasons why we can’t do things, and the expectation is that we are going to hole up in our nests and live our lives and tend to ourselves. And I like it.

Normal wasn’t working. Normal American life had resulted in a stressed-out, overweight, overworked, exhausted group of people who desperately needed a break, looking to other cultures for cues about how to live more simply. Now that we are being forced to live more simply, we want things to be “normal.”

I’m spending time considering how much of this new, slow, simple life I can keep, and what my new normal will be. We can create it, you know. We can say no to the old way, and stay in the new way.

What do you like about life now?
What do you not miss?
What do you not want to go back to?
What do you want to keep about this?

I’m not getting everything right in this experience. There are new frustrations and worries, and every week reveals a new wrinkle. But sometimes, I think about what parts I will keep, and what will become my new normal. A new normal. Are you brave enough to live it?

I know I am not the only one hammering out a blog post about COVID-19. So, I won’t pretend like I have brilliant advice that you or someone else haven’t already thought about. Many of us are in similar circumstances: suddenly housebound, contemplating homeschooling, overwhelmed with suggestions and resources, wavering between staying away from others and rushing out to help, and wondering how long it will go on. Oh, and there’s that thing about needing a paycheck!

Yesterday was pretty chaotic at my house. I had interviews to conduct, requiring active listening followed by creative writing on a deadline. I had administrative work to complete and send to others so they could do their jobs. In the midst of various closures, I needed to make phone calls and coordinate new schedules. My 8-year-old didn’t understand why we were not going on play-dates during spring break, and I felt guilty about my teenager sitting in front of video games all day. By the end of the day, I was emotionally and physically spent. Then, our pet fish died. I mean, come on!

We don’t know how long this virus is going to last or when things will get back to “normal.” But, like in my post last week about the three columns - what we can control, what we can’t, and where we are still okay - that doesn’t mean we are without any structure at all. 

I laughed along with everyone else at the meme of the color-coded schedule. Mostly because I was absolutely the mom thinking that I’d make a schedule for my kids. Then I realized how completely naive that was but, today I made one. Although, it’s more of a loose framework; a to-do list that makes sure we check off the boxes of Life As We Knew It.

On my list: go running, email my best friend, meet my deadlines, and practice guitar.

For my kids: music practice, reading, a walk and some time outside doing I don’t care what until I can think again.

It’s Day 1, and it’s only 10:30, but so far it feels like a regular day off of school and I am a lot more calm. And when I am calm, everything is better. What brings you calm? What do you need to do each day to feel grounded and “normal”? Make yourself a list, and do them. 

I’m an optimist, and I do believe that there will be a day relatively soon when we turn the corner and are able to loosen the restrictions that we have placed on ourselves in order to contain this virus and make it easier for medical professionals to do their work. Between now and then, there will be days when we do a great job and days when we aren’t at our best, just like before. If you're in need of an online community, join us in The Good Life! We set goals together, offer group accountability and I share ideas of how you can stay level and ride the wave. We are going to be okay!