Does it seem like the holiday season begins earlier and earlier each year? I'm one of those people who can't wait for an excuse to put out some pumpkins and welcome fall, even if it is still 85 degrees outside. I am ready!

But more often than not, the season that I look forward to all year long seems to be done in a flash, and I feel like I've been so busy making it happen that I missed the whole thing. I hear the same sentiments from my clients, along with things like, "I just want to survive the holidays."

Them's fightin' words for me - life is too short to settle for surviving.  No ma'am. We are here to experience life, not just get through it. 

I could cite dozens of studies that have reported the rising numbers of Americans who are hanging on by a thread, trying to keep the plates of life spinning in a world that seems to get more and more demanding.

People who feel like they don't have a choice, because they need to pay the bills.

People who feel stuck, hopeless, and resigned to just, well, surviving.

Life is too short for me to stand by and let other people settle, either. 

I can't actually solve everything, but I can help people organize their lives, so I started asking my clients about how they want to experience the last six weeks of the year. Their answers were pretty standard: cooking, traveling, spending time with family, shopping, etc. It was clear they had not understood my question, so I needed to clarify what I meant.

I didn’t want to know how they expected to spend the holidays. I was curious about how they wanted to experience the holidays. After the cooking, shopping, and family visits are done, what makes a happy holiday season for them?  How will they know that the time was well-spent? What experience do they want to have, and what do they need to do to create it?

It’s been said that the best way to predict the future is to create it, and that’s something you can do any time of year. We don’t get to choose every circumstance of our lives, but we have more control over circumstances than we may think. So today I ask you: how do you know if you are having a happy holiday?

There are a few rules for this exercise. First, you must be specific about what brings you joy during this time of year. The more detail you can put into imagining the scents, flavors, and images of the holidays, the easier it will be to find them.

Second, you must be somewhat realistic. For example, if your dream is of a snowy winter wonderland, you better have the budget and vacation time for travel to a place that manufactures snow on command. You can’t bring people back from the dead, and you have to exist in this dimension. But, other than the laws of physics and constraints of your resources, have at it.

And third, it must be self-generated. That is, nothing in your perfect holiday scene can be dependent on someone else doing something. Waiting for other people to do things in order for you to be happy is just a recipe for heartache and resentment.

Okay, are you ready? Here we go.

Let’s flip the calendar a couple of pages to January 1. Imagine sitting on that day in your favorite place, with a wonderful feeling of contentment wrapped around you like a blanket. Life is just peachy. Gosh, that was a wonderful holiday. Now imagine someone comes to sit next to you and they ask, “how was your holiday?” And you say, “it was just wonderful,” and then begin to paint the scene. What, specifically, made it so wonderful? 

When I think about this question, my mind reminisces about hearing jingle bells on the doorknobs of the house, making treasured family recipes to share with others, decorating my home like we live in the Biltmore, and smelling cinnamon, orange, and clove simmering on the stove. I like to have clinked glasses with friends and family, witnessed the magic of the season through the eyes of children, and indulged enough to feel fancy while still fitting into my jeans in January. If those things have happened by December 31, I feel good.

Now, there are other things that make the holidays nice, too. Children being polite and gracious to their elders, no one getting sick, family members not discussing politics, no car trouble on the way to Grandma’s, good weather, my husband buying the correct gift for me, my kids eating the fancy food I have made, the music at church being exactly the kind I like, the lines at the stores not being too long, and seeing the correct reactions to all of the gifts that I have purchased for others, to name a few. But we’ve already discussed that.

Now let’s zoom back in the calendar to the present day. You’ve just painted that picture of the events of the coming weeks that led to that feeling of contentment. Now it is time to make it happen! What do you need to do to ensure that the elements that made you feel so happy can actually take place? You’ve identified your priorities, so now schedule them!

For me, staying active is key, because my morning workouts are like my own personal reset button. That means I need to stick to my exercise routine and maybe even bump it up a little to account for extra nibbles. I may even take a day off during the week when I can bake, listen to carols, make my simmer pot, and decorate my house. When visiting my family, I enjoy sliding to the background to observe everyone as they interact together, watching the kids play with snow globes when they think the grown-ups aren’t watching. 

Then, when we get the flat tire, or my kids dash off without saying thank you, and no one eats the meal I have made, it’s okay, because that’s not what I needed for a happy holiday.

So, how do you want to experience the last three months of the year? I created a Happy Healthy Holidays Guide to help you work it out - and keep track of your progress.  Download it here.
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And remember: keep it specific, realistic, and intrinsic, and maybe even Santa will ask for your secret.

An excerpt from Happy, Healthy You: Breaking the Rules for a Well-Balanced Life

In 2018, I watched a good portion of Hurricane Michael blow through Tallahassee from my front porch. As a lifelong Southerner, I’ve seen a few tropical storms and hurricanes, and find myself stuck between being in awe of the power of nature and wanting to give it a wide enough berth to show my respect.
This storm was no different, and as I sipped my coffee and wondered how long the power would last, I sat under the cover of my porch and watched the trees.

I have a lot of pine trees around my house. I have some of the big fat ones and some of the spindly little ones, and I had placed my bets on which would survive and which would not. As the bands of wind and rain came through, the trees began to sway. And then they began to bend. That’s when I went inside and moved to the window.

I watched the trees bend and thought about their root system. I wondered how far the roots went down and how far over a pine tree could bend. I wondered whether it was better to be a big fat tree or a little skinny tree. And, I noticed some things.

A while ago I saw a quote with a picture of a tree that said, “if you do not like life’s circumstances, move. You are not a tree.” It made me feel kind of bad for trees, because they can’t move from their circumstances. They have to stand there and take it, whether it is a drought or a category four hurricane.

We are like that sometimes too. Sometimes circumstances are bad and it’s easy for someone to say, “well, if you don’t like it, then leave.” But sometimes we are so rooted where we are, either by family or obligations or other life things that happen, and picking up and leaving isn’t really an option. We are like a tree, and we have to stand there and take it.

I know a lot of people who feel that way about their health. They need to make changes, and sure, it’s easy for someone outside to say, “well just eat better. Just get up earlier and exercise. Just quick buying cigarettes. Just do it.” But they are rooted in lives that can’t be undone that easily, and it seems like they have to withstand the winds of life.

But as I watched the trees in the storm, I noticed that they were doing more than just standing there. They were swaying, bending, and releasing. Even when we are rooted where we are, we can do the same thing.

Sway when you can
The storms of life can definitely push us around, but we don’t have to just stand there. Like a tree, we all sway from side to side throughout our lives to allow for this event or that unexpected change of plans. I believe that these times actually make us stronger, more cognitively nimble, and more creative.

Sway when you can so that the things you do to take care of yourself can keep happening even in a storm. Swaying might mean compromising on when exercise happens so that it can, rather than letting it stop altogether.

Bend when you need to
As I watched the trees bend I thought about how they were pretty stubborn and must really be committed to being where they were to withstand so much pressure and not fall over. It reminded me of those times when life gets so hectic that if we want to stay healthy in spite of it, we need to make even bigger compromises.

Sometimes we let exercise go and focus on eating healthy. Sometimes food choices are not in our control so we make sure to stay active and counteract it by staying active. Bending in this way means that we might not be getting everything we need, but at least we’re getting some of it, and sometimes that’s enough.

Let some branches fall
Those trees were swaying and they were bending, but they were also releasing some of themselves in order to stay upright. This is a loss, for sure, but one that is regained over time. Don’t be afraid to let some branches fall off your tree if it means you stay rooted in what supports your physical and emotional health. It’s likely that those things will come back in time, and the loss will be a temporary one.

The clean-up from the storm continues, and as we reach out to the west and help our neighbors recover, I believe that our roots will go deeper and we will be stronger. If another of life’s storms is headed your way, be like a tree. Sway, bend, release, and hang on to your roots.

It is not unusual for me to interact with at least a few people each week who tell me that, even though their doctor is glad to see an improvement in their A1C, blood pressure, cholesterol, and other health factors, they want to see weight loss on the scale.

It is incredibly frustrating as a health coach to see someone come into a conversation feeling proud and in charge of their health, only to see them crumble under perceived failure because the mass of their body doesn't meet the standards of a chart.

Thankfully, more physicians are starting to think laterally when it comes to overall health. Could it be that weight loss and health improvements are not necessarily linked? It absolutely could, and in my experience working with hundreds of people over the past 15 years, I believe it is.

As early as 2014, the Journal of Obesity titled “The Weight-Inclusive versus Weight-Normative Approach to Health”  reported that weight loss initiatives do not lead to long term results for most people.  Results from a 2013 RAND study sponsored by the U.S. Departments of Labor and Health and Human Services show that the average weight lost in most year-long programs is just one pound, with a regain rate of 75% after four years.  Recent studies investigating the effect of weight loss in people with Type 2 Diabetes found no improvement in cardiovascular morbidity and mortality or all-cause mortality compared to control groups where weight loss was not part of the treatment focus.

I know that this is counter-intuitive in a culture that prizes thinness and believes that losing weight improves health. For years I have encouraged my clients to lose weight so they could avoid Diabetes, heart disease, and other issues.

But more and more, I've seen folks make dramatic improvements in their health while their weight remained unchanged. I've seen overweight people show up with great blood pressure and cholesterol numbers. I've run with endurance athletes who defy the image of a long and lean long distance runner. 

I'm not a physician, but I think it is safe to say that the human body is more complicated than we give it credit for. And honestly, from my perspective, it doesn't really matter because wellbeing is a self-made construct, not a category assigned by a chart.

Your weight is your business and it should not stand in the way of living a healthy and balanced life. This is a weight-neutral approach, which means working outside the confines of weight loss or the pursuit of thinness as the path to health. A weight neutral approach focuses on behaviors and habits that promote health over body size.

My clients who choose to lose weight often do experience improvements in their health, because both outcomes often have similar paths. The path to a healthier heart - a diet full of vegetables, fiber, and whole foods along with regular exercise - will usually lead to weight loss if the portions are in line with your body's needs. The path to a lower A1C - not surprisingly, a diet full of vegetables, fiber, and whole foods along with regular exercise - can also result in weight loss. But, it is absolutely possible to have improvements in those health categories without changing your weight.

My clients who lose weight often report more energy, less joint pain, better sleep, better digestion, and all the great things that you expect. It stands to reason that they would, because when your body isn't carrying extra weight, it's better able to function optimally. Again, your weight is your business.

It is my hope that as we see more adoption of a weight-neutral approach to health care, we will reduce the stigma and shame associated with obesity that keeps people from taking part in exercise and other active pursuits, and end the discouraging practice of invalidating health gains that don't show up on the scale.

A healthy life includes everything that helps you thrive: connected and supportive relationships, a safe and healthy environment, fresh and whole foods, plenty of water, good sleep, fun activity and exercise, and an outlet for stress management. You deserve and can achieve these things at any weight. 

So should we abandon healthy habits and indulge our kid-menu cravings since our weight doesn't matter anymore? Slow down - no. Your weight might not have as much of an impact on your health, but your choices do. Sorry, the good old-fashioned approach is still the best. Just don't sweat it if you're overweight and think that you need to change it in order to be healthy on paper.

If your weight feels like a hurdle to overcome before you can begin living a life you enjoy and which makes you proud, please contact me or another National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach who can help you design a plan to the life you want, and if you want to lose weight too, to make it all work together.

Cheers to a Happy, Healthy You,
Heather

PS - Am I Hungry Mindful Eating is a weight-neutral approach to a healthy relationship with food. I'd love to have you in class - click here to learn more and sign up.

​Imagine that you are sitting in the center of a football stadium that is packed with people. You’re down on the field, at your desk, minding your own business, with the crowd of people at a dull roar, and it’s fine. 

Now imagine that the voice of one of the people in the crowd catches your attention. Your ear tunes into the conversation, and you’re distracted for a moment while you listen. You can hear them discussing what to have for lunch, and even though it has nothing to do with you, you think, “ew, I don’t like that.” 

Then you start thinking about all of the places you like to eat lunch and when you might go there and what you like to order. Before you know it, you’re texting a friend to make a date.

Turning back to your work, you hear another conversation in the back of the stadium. Someone is talking about something that someone else did. You listen, and then even though it has nothing to do with you, you think, “that’s messed up. I wouldn’t do it that way. I would be mad if that happened to me.” 

Then you hear another. And another. You get up and start offering advice to the people. You try to solve their problems. They begin to line up, and before you know it everyone in the stadium is crowding around you, asking what they should do and what you think about their situation, and you become absorbed in the melee.

By the end of the day you’re exhausted, but confused. You’ve been working really, really hard, but somehow none of your work got done. How could that be when you are so busy, and so tired?

Now let’s imagine a different scenario. You’re back at your desk in the football stadium, surrounded by the chattering crowd, but this time when a voice creeps into your awareness, you don’t listen. You notice it, say, “that happened,” and go back to your work without stopping to make an opinion about what you heard or investigate it further. You just notice that you heard it, acknowledge that it happened, and MYOB.

Now here is part of the story I did not reveal at the start. All of those chattering people in the stands? They are your thoughts. Hundreds of thousands of thoughts that come through your mind throughout the day, asking your opinion. But the reality is that only a fraction of them need any attention at all. In fact, you can allow the majority of them to pass by you without even a glance.

You can sit in the center of the stadium, with the hum of thoughts buzzing around you, knowing that they are chattering, and not stop to decide what you think. You may discover that by releasing yourself from the job of being the Decider of All Things actually frees up your mind and energy for the things that actually matter.

Give it a try this week! Sit in the stadium, wave to the crowd once in a while, and let them have conversations with each other without your input. When your important work is done, go mingle with them. You may find that they’ve solved all of their problems without you, and things are actually nice and quiet in there. 

Your thoughts want your attention, but they don’t need it. Give them a nod and MYOB!

​A recent conversation with a client was the most fun I’ve had at work in quite a while. She had set a goal of exercising three to four times a week, which had been a challenge because she had a busy job and was exhausted at the end of the day, when she had chosen to workout. But, she had lost 60 pounds with nutrition changes, and wanted to add in exercise so she could continue to lose weight and tone and strengthen her muscles.

I was a little nervous about her goal because I thought maybe she had bitten off more than she could chew. But, a couple of weeks later, she checked in with great success! I asked her what the trigger was that got her from the couch and up working out. Her answer was so simple and so awesome: I just love how I feel when I do.

She went on to tell me that even when she had a long day at work and was really tired, she exercised because she knew she would feel better right away.

I wanted to clarify this point and make sure I understood exactly what she was saying, so I asked her to confirm what I heard: the results from exercising were immediate, positive, and attainable. Yes, she said. They were.

I was floored. This was fantastic news! Just a few weeks prior, she had been frustrated that her progress had stalled, and she was at a crossroads for what to do. She was confused, because she was still working hard but her body wasn’t changing as much as it was before. She sighed and confessed, “I know, I want instant results. I need to give it time.”

But now she was positively giddy, telling me that exercising made her feel so good right away that she was looking forward to her workouts after a long day at work. It was not possible for her to have a bigger smile on her face.

We are at the half-way point of this crazy year, and a lot feels uncertain and scary. But, we have more control over how we feel than we think. We have access to tools that can help us feel better right away.

Chief among those is the immediate benefit of feeling great through exercise, which my client was enjoying every single day. When the world’s problems seem like more than we can handle, sometimes the best thing we can do is feel better, because feeling better is not overrated. In fact, feeling better makes it easier for us to be part of the solution! 

Worried about diabetes? Exercise reduces insulin levels in your blood and improves your insulin sensitivity. That means you and your brain are better able to partner up to notice when you are full and don’t need to keep eating. 

Feeling stuck on a project at work? Exercise helps with neurogenesis, which is the creation of new brain cells. A walk and some fresh air can lead to more clarity of thought, productivity, and energy to work.

Exercise is proven to boost our mood to the point where we can alleviate symptoms of clinical depression. Just thirty minutes a few times a week can make a difference. But don’t just stroll around. Work up a good sweat and get your heart and lungs pumping! Get your money’s worth!

Feeling a little low on self-confidence? Battling anxiety? Go and do a strength-training workout or join an exercise class. Exercise can boost self-esteem and improve body image, making you feel like a million bucks. And when you feel good, you look good. More instant benefits! Could this get any better? You betcha.

Not only does exercise immediately make you feel amazing, raise your intellect, and make it easier to eat healthy, it burns calories, which leads to weight loss. Yes! You can even lose weight, on top of feeling great whenever you want to. Oh, and exercise also lowers your blood pressure, enhances sleep quality, reduces cholesterol…should I go on?

My client and I were laughing and cheering over the phone as we marveled in her discovery. Happiness, relaxation, lower stress…it was all attainable within minutes and completely in her control. In fact, the two things that were guaranteed to bring her a lifetime of happiness were two things she had complete control over: what she ate and whether or not she exercised. Instant gratification was sitting right next to her this whole time.

It’s sitting next to you, too. You can join her and feel amazing today. Right now! I hope you will, and that your smile will not be able to get bigger. You deserve to feel great. What are you waiting for?

P.S. If you're looking for daily motivation, I go LIVE in my private, members-only Facebook group every morning at 8:30am to help YOU get each day started on the right foot. Join us in The Good Life!

My 8 year old has been pretty bossy lately.

He’s been making a lot of rules for how we should interact with him. He wants me to be quieter in the mornings, and not open the curtains in his bedroom without his permission. He’s dictated what kind of ice cream should be on the grocery list (mint chocolate chip) and let us know that he is out of yogurt. But only the very specific brand of strawberry that he likes. Don’t get that other kind. It is NOT good.

My husband and I roll our eyes and smile when he issues his orders like a prince. In a world where pretty much everything changed for him overnight, I figure he’s looking for anything he can control at this point. Aren’t we all?  And, I admire him. After all, others might say that he’s really just setting some boundaries for himself. 

Setting - and verbalizing - boundaries is a lesson we learn early in life, even if we have a clunky way of doing it. Have you ever heard a preschooler say, “get out of my bubble?” They’ve learned that they have the right to a certain amount of space around them, and they’ll speak up when it’s being invaded.

It’s pretty easy to name the kinds of boundaries we need to protect ourselves and our interests from potential threats: we will not allow others to abuse us, put us in danger, violate our privacy, or insult us for long before we stand up and defend ourselves (or at least vent to someone else about it). 

And, we have internal boundaries, too. Our bodies have a threshold of need for movement, sleep, nourishment, connection, and love, and the only person who can violate them is us.

We do that when we consistently over-obligate ourselves to others, speak negatively to ourselves, and put what others want ahead of what we need.

If you consistently find yourself wondering why you can’t seem to make the time for exercise, get enough sleep, or motivate yourself to follow through on pursuing greater health, it may be because you are not being N.I.C.E. to yourself.

Use each letter in the word “NICE” to remember the steps for respecting your own boundaries:
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N = Notice. Notice when you are approaching an internal boundary that needs to be respected. You would not tell someone else that what they need is selfish and unimportant, so why is it okay to tell yourself that? Hearing negative self-talk is one way to notice that a boundary is in jeopardy.  Feeling anxious, guilty, or otherwise overwhelmed are other signs that there is a personal boundary that you are not respecting for yourself. 

I = Identify. It may seem silly at first, but verbalizing to yourself what you have noticed really helps clear the mental clutter. It can be so powerful to say something like, “I just accepted a piece of cake that I do not want to eat because it was offered to me. I am pushing my boundary of eating within my calorie needs because I feel obligated to eat food that is given to me.”  In doing so, you’ve noticed how you feel and why you feel that way, without judgement or evaluation of yourself as a person. Wow! You are so evolved! Go you!

C – Commit. Once you notice how you feel and identify why, it’s time to commit to respecting that boundary. “I am committed to making choices that will support my health and vitality.”  Sometimes that means saying no to people who made cake. Sometimes it means saying no to another part of yourself, like the part that wants to stay up late watching TV instead of getting enough sleep to be energized for a morning workout.  Committing to respecting your own boundaries doesn’t mean putting yourself first at the expense of others, it means taking care of yourself so you can take care of others.

E – Engage! Act! Do the thing! Put your metaphorical foot down, steel your resolve, take a deep breath, and say, “thanks, but I’m good.” Turn off the TV and get in bed so you can wake up energized for exercise.  Get off the couch and prepare a healthy lunch and snacks for the next day so you don’t end up in the drive-through. Do the thing. Nothing changes if you don’t engage with your own commitment. 
As empathetic, mature, and responsible people, it is completely expected and appropriate that we will put the needs of others ahead of our own at times. Selfless acts of kindness and compassion are part of what connects us as people and makes the world a better place. But when we take it to an extreme and allow our own emotional and physical health to deteriorate as a result, no one wins. 
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My little prince will get his requested ice cream, and I’ll let him decide when his bedroom curtains are opened. I can’t guarantee a quiet morning, but I appreciate his desire for one! As we navigate this new world, take time to be nice to yourself this week. See if the world suffers. I expect it will actually be very, very nice.

Sometimes I just sit in front of my computer, staring at the screen, knowing I am supposed to be working, coming up with new ideas, creating amazing things, and sending people the documents they are waiting for. Then I look through the window at the trees in my yard. I work at a little table in the front window of my living room now. The trees are bright green. There is a slight breeze. Sun shines through the leaves and I wonder what the temperature is like.

And then I remember that there is a class zoom meeting. Where is the meeting ID number? Shoot.

Did I sign him up for the science group? When is that?

Ping. Text message. Did I do the thing? Not yet. I’ve been... busy? I feel busy, but not like I’m really accomplishing anything.

Ding. Email. Here’s another update about what we’re allowed or not allowed to do, but so-and-so says that is stupid and what’s-her-face says it’s a conspiracy. So, maybe we don’t have to do it? 

It’s all urgent, but it also feels artificial. It’s important, but kind of optional. 

Snap out of it! This is a great opportunity! And look how lucky you are. You should be thankful. Other people don’t have what you have. Stop complaining.

But is this complaining? Does feeling antsy mean that I am ungrateful? Is it complaining to feel like this abundance of something that we are all feeling is somehow not enough? Oh! Zoom class meeting starts in 10 minutes! Do you have the login? It’s the same as last time, right?

It’s been six weeks now that we have been in...whatever this is. It’s not a quarantine, because we can kind of go anywhere. People are dying by the dozens, but hey - you can get wine delivered to your door and look, those people are taking their boat somewhere. They look okay. Is this even a real thing? 

I get up and wander to my husband’s office. Our house is quiet. The kids are…doing schoolwork? Sure. We stare at each other as I lean against the door frame. He’s in a zoom call. We have it good. We have jobs, a house, food, and all the time in the world now. Opportunity! 

“Mom, I did my spelling. Now what?”

I turn around. “Let’s go for a walk outside.”

We walk, and he talks. I listen, but only halfway because another voice is talking just a little louder. “Do you get it yet? Zoom out, not in. Look at the big picture - there is good stuff here, and it is enough.”

Zoom! This is the real zoom: the zoom out. We were supposed to make it simpler and we made it more complicated. We were supposed to slow down and we sped up even more. We added meetings to our lives that we literally refer to as “zooms.” But we zoomed the wrong way.

My pace quickens as we turn the corner and I feel energy come back into my body. I smile down at the boy next to me, chattering as he wheels around on his scooter. The meeting ID numbers are lost and we don’t care. The passwords are forgotten and it doesn’t matter. We’re going to be okay. We’ll adapt and we’re going to see the world change before our eyes, if we remember to zoom out.