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A few years ago, I purchased a new car. I wasn’t very happy about it. My 2004 Subaru Forester and I had been together for thirteen years. Dented and faded, it rattled and made weird noises. My “I Love State Parks” bumper sticker was almost entirely worn off, and the car was missing nonessential parts I had ripped off on the side of the interstate so I could keep driving. But the Forester was paid for, it was cute, and it had a roof rack—which I never used but valued greatly. And I knew that car. We were a team. I could drive it with my eyes closed. (I did not do that.)
But change was inevitable. My Forester needed repairs more frequently, it was becoming inefficient, and after over a decade of use, well, let’s just say it was tired. So, I bit the bullet and bought a Prius, which I enjoy driving even though I miss my clunky old car and grow nostalgic when I think of it. Changing habits is like that sometimes, right? We’ve all accumulated certain habits over the years, and although we know they need to change and that we’ll be happy with the outcome, we’re cozy in our routine. Even if some habits are destructive, expensive, unproductive, and sometimes dangerous, we stick with them because they’re familiar. Change involves risk—even when we believe the outcome will be good, even when the only risk is the possibility of feeling weird and mildly inconvenienced. Well, guess what? No one ever said you couldn’t be wistful for the old days. Changing habits doesn’t necessarily mean closing a life door and pretending those practices never existed. You can change your health habits without saying goodbye to the way life used to be. These approaches to change may ease your transition. Press Pause. When ending one habit and beginning another feels overwhelming, don’t pressure yourself to cut ties. Just press Pause on unproductive routines—being too sedentary, eating too much, wasting time—and reserve the option to return to previous habits if the new ones don’t work out. I haven’t met anyone yet who wanted to go back to being sedentary, overeating, and wasting time. Don’t worry about ending something. Just begin something else. Let Yourself Mourn. If you’re ready to close the door on a habit and never speak of it again, allow yourself time to mourn that loss. Yes, it’s a loss! There is a win to everything we choose to do, whether or not the choice is healthy. When we choose to cook more instead of eating out, we lose the convenience of having someone else cook. Getting out of bed earlier to exercise means losing the coziness of blankets and pillows. Even our destructive habits have a beneficial element, so acknowledge what you’re giving up to gain something else. That’s fair. So be sad, then get yourself together and keep on keeping on. Connect with the Payoff. The grief won’t last long, I promise. Soon you’ll like how your new habits make you feel, and the appeal of returning to old ones will fade. Acknowledge that truth and connect with it. Write the reasons you are happier in a notebook and refer to them from time to time. Jot down a challenge you overcame when reverting to old ways would have been easier. Keep a record of the payoffs—a smaller size of clothes, walking a flight of stairs without becoming winded, getting off medication—and read them. The more you connect with the benefits of your new choices, the less you’ll feel tempted to look back. But if you do look back, that’s okay. I like heated seats, better fuel economy, an ice-cold air conditioner, and a warranty. Stylish and clean, my new Prius was the right choice. But that doesn’t mean I don’t sometimes miss the Forester. I’m not going back to it, but I can remember it with fondness. Are you clinging to an old habit that’s comfortable, easy, and familiar even though you know an upgrade makes sense? Shop around this week. Take new habits on a test drive. And when you’re ready, press Pause or trade in the old ones for something new. That new life smell is pretty sweet.
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